Rabbi Ken and Melissa
of
Presents
A Messianic Jewish Wedding Guide
Pre-Ceremony Ketubah Signing
The Ketubah is signed in a private ceremony with the Bride, Groom,
family and the wedding party. This can actually happen at the rehearsal the evening
before.
Click here for a PDF/Wedding
Program.pdf you can print this and use this as a guide.
As long as the bride (Kallah) and groom (Chatan) are standing under
the Chuppah (canopy), the marriage ceremony can take place almost anywhere -- in a synagogue, the
bride or groom’s home, in a public venue such as a hotel or even on a beach.
You can marry at any time of the day, though it is most usual to
marry in the afternoon or evening. Most people choose to marry on a Sunday or a Tuesday -- a
particularly significant day, as this was when God blessed His creation double.
Under Orthodox law, it is generally forbidden to get married in the
49 days between the moveable feasts of Passover and Pentecost, and during three weeks between July
and August. It is also forbidden to marry on the Sabbath or on festival days. If you want to get
married on a Saturday, the ceremony is not allowed to begin until after sundown.
Pre-Ceremony Badekkin - Veiling
The pre-ceremony ritual is the veiling of the Kallah (Bride). It is
often done with the Bride, her attendants and female guests. The Chatan (Groom) lowers the
veil over the Kallah's face. This custom recalls Rebecca and Issac's first meeting when Rebecca
modestly concealed her face in a veil.
It also recalls the biblical story of Rachel and Jacob. Rachels
father Laben substituted his elder daughter Leah, for Rachel. The Chatan lowers the veil over the
Kallah to be sure not to make the same mistake Jacob did and by "dressing" his Kallah with
a veil, the Chatan is assured that she is the one he has chosen, and thereby sets her apart from all
others. Most brides do not want to allow the groom to
see his bride until the ceremony, but this is only for superstitious reasons.
Suggested Prelude Wedding Music
Erev Shel Shoshanim
Adonai Sfatai Traditional
Ma’oz Tzur (Traditional Hanukkah Song
Jerusalem of Gold
Y’did Nefesh Ani Le Dodi
Sunrise Sunset
Sabbath Prayer
HaTikvah
Seating of the Grandmothers
Brides side is on the right.
The Wedding Ceremony
Kiddushin - The Wedding Ceremony
The Jewish wedding is called kiddushin, meaning sanctification related to the word kadosh (holy).
The kiddushin is composed of two distinct ceremonies: the erusin
and nisuin or nuptials.
Erusin - The Betrothal
The Betrothal ceremony has been combined in modern times with the
second service nisuin. It is during the erusin ceremony that the kallah (bride) and chatan
(groom) are formally and publicly betrothed to one another. A blessing over a cup of wine is said,
followed by a second blessing that reminds us of the holiness of unity as well as the integrity of
the bonds of marriage. Both the kallah and chatan drink from the same cup of wine, accepting life's
joys, as well as responsibilities.
Blowing of the Shofar
In Biblical times the shofar was blown to
announce important events,
such as a call to worship, a wedding, the alarm of war or the
coming of peace.
The shofar was sounded during the greatest event in all Jewish
history, The giving of the Torah to Moses at Mount
Sinai. The blowing of the Shofar will also be
used to proclaim the coronation of the King Messiah the Son of David.
Today the bride is a queen, and the groom a king.
Baruchim Haba'im Bashem Adonai
Blessed are they who come in the name of
the Lord.
Processional of the Torah (Optional)
Music: Hatikvah The Hope– Israel’s National Anthem
As long as the Jewish spirit is yearning deep in the heart,
With eyes turned toward the East, looking toward Zion,
Then our hope - the two-thousand-year-old hope - will not be lost:
To be a free people in our land, the land of Zion and Jerusalem.
This unique feature of this very special
day is a statement that the Torah,
the Word of G-d should lead the way in
any marriage.
We find in the words of this holy book
the instructions for life.
The Torah is G-d’s Covenant or
Marriage Contract to the people of Israel.
Processional of the Groomsmen then Best
Man
Processional of the Groom, the Chatan
Groom alone or escorted by both his father and mother
Music:
Baruch Ha Ba Traditional
Hodu L'Adonai Ki Tov
Processional of the Brides Attendants
Brides Maids
Maid (Matron) of Honor
Ring Bearer
Flower Girl
Processional of the Bride
Do not use the Christian Traditional piece "Here Comes The
Bride" or "The Wedding March" because it was composed by Richard Wagner.
*Please remain seated. It is not customary within a Jewish wedding
to stand when the bride enters.
Bride is escorted by her father and mother
Suggested Music: Dodi Li
Encircling of the Groom
The Bride circles her beloved seven times, taken from Jeremiah
31:22b, "a woman shall compass (revolve around, surround) a man." Seven times is
significant because of its scriptural reference of perfection and completion; the reference in Hosea
2:19-21 of God’s seven-fold betrothal to His people, Israel; the reference in Revelation 4:5 to
the seven Spirits of God; and as a reflection of the Bride’s desire to be as the seven
prophetesses of Israel: Sarah, Miriam, Deborah, Hannah, Abigail, Hilda, and Esther.
The position of the bride on the right side of the groom is based
on an interpretation of Psalm 45:10 "the queen stands on your right hand in fine gold of ophir".
In Jewish tradition the bride is a queen, and the groom a king.
Suggested Music: Sunrise Sunset
Bride encircles groom seven times.
Bride and Groom Enter the Chuppah
The
bridal canopy is a multifaceted symbol: it is a home, and a reminder of the tent of our Patriarchs. It
is open on all sides to recall the tent of Abraham and Sara, who had doors on all sides of his
dwelling to welcome guests. Entrance under the Chuppah (Wedding Canopy)
This is symbolic of the marriage coming under the Holy covering of
God.
The covering represents protection, mercy, and grace.
Ma Tovu Numbers 24:5
How beautiful are your tents, O Jacob,
Your dwelling places, O Israel!
Blessing of the Bride and Groom - Mi Adir
Mi Adir al hakol. Mi baruch al hakol. Mi gadol al hakol.
Hu y'vareykh et he'khatan v'et ha'kalah
He who is supremely mighty,
He who is supremely blessed
He who is supremely sublime
May He bless the Groom and the Bride.
Groom lifts the veil to take a peek. This is to verify that
she is his wife and not another, avoiding the mistake that Jacob made with Leah.
Reading of the Ketubah (Marriage Contract)
The wedding canopy is symbolic of the marriage coming under the holy covering
of God. The chuppah also represents the home the bride and groom will build together.
The "chuppah" may also represent the home of Abraham and serve as a
reminder that he was a foreigner in a strange land, looking for the place God had promised to him. The sides are open to show that friends and
family are always welcome.
In Biblical times, Jewish weddings were comprised of two separate components;
The Ketubah is a pre-nuptial marriage covenant that has replaced the ancient
Bride Price. This covenant and marriage is only valid when signed by the presence of two witnesses.
The rabbis in ancient times insisted that the
marriage couple entered into the Ketubah as an assurance for the wife’s well being during
the first stage of the engagement.
The Bride and The Groom have written their Ketubah based on love and spiritual
commitment instead of material things. A
relationship centered on G-d, love and
mutual respect for each other will last longer than any man-made contract.
The bride lived apart from the groom until the actual marriage ceremony, which
would take place in a tent or a bridal chamber that the groom had set up for her.
Later in history, the two ceremonies were combined and the marriage ceremony
started to be performed publicly. At this new ceremony, the chuppah, or the portable marriage
canopy, was included as a symbol of the chamber within which marriages originally took place.
The Ketubah - Certificate of Marriage
This
is to certify that on the 22nd day of the month of Kislev
in
the year 5758, corresponding to the 20th day of December, 1997,
the
holy Covenant of Marriage was entered into between the
Bridegroom,
_____________, and his Bride, _________________.
The
groom made the following declarations to the bride;
"Be
my wife according to the law of Moses and Israel and the Messiah Yeshua. I will, love, honor, and
cherish you as Messiah loved the holy congregation. I will provide for you as is proper for a
husband to do according to the teachings of the word of God."
The
Bride has accepted his words and dedicated herself to him, saying;
"I
will respect, honor, and cherish you in the same manner as the holy congregation is to love the
Messiah."
Nisuin - The Nuptials
The second part of the ceremony after the erusin is the
nisuin.
This ceremony forms the second half of the wedding service. Even
though the chatan and kallah are legally bound to each other as husband and wife at the completion
of the eursin, the wedding ceremony is not yet complete. During this part of the ceremony, God's
presence is acknowledged in the new relationship. This acknowledgement is made by chanting seven
blessings called the sheva b'rachot. Like the erusin ceremony, the sheva b'rachot are chanted over a
cup of wine. After the blessing for wine, the remaining six blessings acknowledge God as the creator
of the world, the creator of love and as the One who brings redemption to the world.
The Seven Wedding Blessings
1. Baruch Ata Adonai Elokainu Melech HaOlam, SheHakol Barah
Lichvodo
Blessed are You, Lord our G-d, the sovereign of the world, who
created everything for his glory.
2. Baruch Ata Adonai Elokainu Melech HaOlam, Yotzer Ha'Adam
Blessed are You, Lord our G-d, the sovereign of the world, the
creator of man.
3. Baruch Ata Adonai Elokainu Melech HaOlam, Asher Yatzar Et Ha'Adam Betzalmo, b'Tzelem
Dmut Tavnito, VeHitkon Lo Mimenu Binyan Adei Ad. Baruch Ata Adonai Yotzer Ha'Adam
Blessed are You, Lord our G-d, the sovereign of the
world, who created man in His image, in the pattern of His own likeness,
and provided for the perpetuation of his kind. Blessed are You, Lord, the creator of
man.
4. Sos Tasis VeTagel HaAkarah, BeKibbutz Bane'ha Letocha BeSimchaa. Baruch Ata Adonai,
Mesame'ach Tzion BeVaneha
Let the barren city be jubilantly happy and joyful at her joyous
reunion with her children. Blessed are You, Lord, who makes Zion rejoice with her children.
5. Sameach TeSamach Re'im Ahuvim, KeSamechacha Yetzircha BeGan Eden MiKedem. Baruch Ata
Adonai, MeSame'ach Chatan VeKalah
Let the loving couple be very happy, just as You made Your creation
happy in the garden of Eden, so long ago. Blessed are You, Lord, who makes the bridegroom and
the bride happy.
6. Baruch Ata Adonai Elokainu Melech HaOlam, Asher Barah Sasson VeSimcha, Chatan
VeKalah, Gila Rina, Ditza VeChedva, Ahava VeAchava, VeShalom VeRe'ut. MeHera Adonai Elokeinu
Yishama BeArei Yehudah U'Vchutzot Yerushalayim, Kol Sasson V'eKol Simcha, Kol Chatan V'eKol Kalah,
Kol Mitzhalot Chatanim MeChupatam, U'Nearim Mimishte Neginatam. Baruch Ata Adonai MeSame'ach
Chatan Im Hakalah.
Blessed are You, Lord our G-d, the sovereign of the world, who
created joy and celebration, bridegroom and bride, rejoicing, jubilation, pleasure and delight, love
and brotherhood, peace and friendship. May there soon be heard, Lord our G-d, in the cities of
Judea and in the streets of Jerusalem, the sound of joy and the sound of celebration, the voice of a
bridegroom and the voice of a bride, the happy shouting of bridegrooms from their weddings and of
young men from their feasts of song. Blessed are You, Lord, who makes the bridegroom and the
bride rejoice together.
7. Baruch ata Adonai, Eloheynu Melech
HaOlam Borey Pree Hagafen.
Blessed
are You O Lord our God, King of the Universe who creates the fruit of the vine, the symbol of joy.
Blessed are thou, O Lord, who has hallowed thy people Israel by the blessing of the marriage canopy,
the Chuppah and the sacred covenant of marriage.
Bride and Groom Drink from the Cup of Wine
It is the “Fruit of
the Vine” that is a symbol of G-d’s creation.
God created mankind
from the dust of the earth by his creative power.
The first miracle of
the Master’s hands occurred at a Jewish wedding when the
Holy One, Blessed be He, transformed water into wine.
Lighting of the Seven Branch
Menorah (Optional)
Somewhat replaces the “unity” candle.
Bride and groom can light each side separately and work their way to light the center servant
candle together.
The menorah is a seven branched candelabrum and has been a symbol of Judaism for over 3000 years. It is also a symbol of the burning bush as seen by Moses on Mount Horeb (Exodus 3:2 ). Great care was taken to replenish the oil , trim the wicks and keep it lit by the priests in the Tabernacle and in the Temple in Jerusalem.
It
also reminds us of an ancient story of the ten virgins waiting for their groom.
When
the groom came for his bride, some were ready and some were not.
According
to Zechariah, two “anointed ones” continuously
replenished
the holy menorah with the fresh oil from the two olive trees.
The
central light is known to represent the Shamash or Servant.
By
lighting the menorah, Lauren and Terry are prepared and willing
to serve
one
another in order to keep the fire of their relationship burning.
Marriage
is like a fire, it goes out if left unattended.
May
their light always shine just as the eternal light shines in the heavens.
The Rabbi’s Message
The sermon or charge should be a personal message to the bride and
groom by the Rabbi with challenges and commitments to the Holy One.
Exchanging of the Vows
I would encourage the bride and groom to write their own vows and
read them at the ceremony. It is more personal and meaningful. If they are not comfortable
reading aloud then here is a "repeat after me" example.
(Groom)______________, will you have (Bride)__________ to be your
wife?
Will you love her, honor her, comfort and keep her, and forsaking
all others remain true to her as long as you both shall live?
"I will."
(Bride)___________, will you have (Groom)___________ to be your
husband?
Will you love him, honor him, comfort and keep him, and forsaking
all others remain true to him as long as you both shall live?
"I will."
(Turn and face each other)
(Groom)___________, please repeat after me.
I, (Groom)___________
take thee (Bride)___________,
To be my wedded wife,
And I do promise and covenant,
Before God and these witnesses,
To be thy loving and faithful husband,
In plenty and in want,
In joy and in sorrow,
In sickness and in health,
As long as you both shall live.
(Bride)___________, please repeat after me.
I, (Bride)___________
take thee (Groom)___________,
To be my wedded husband,
And I do promise and covenant,
Before God and these witnesses,
To be thy loving and faithful wife,
In plenty and in want,
In joy and in sorrow,
In sickness and in health,
As long as you both shall live.
Ring Ceremony
Do we have a ring for the Bride?
(Groom)________________, repeat after me:
Harey at
Me-ku-de-shet li
B'taba'at Zo
K'dat Moshe,
v' K'dat Moshiach
And with this ring I do thee wed.
Behold thou art consecrated unto me
With this ring
According to the Law of Moses,
And the Law of Messiahl
And with this ring I do thee wed.
Do we have a ring for the Groom?
(Bride)___________, repeat after me:
Harey ata
Me-ku-desh il
B'taba'at Zo
K'dat Moshe
v'K'dat Moshiach
Behold thou art consecrated unto me
With this ring
According to the Law of Moses
and the Law of Messiah.
And with this Ring, I do the wed.
Gadlu La Shem Psalm 34:3
O’ Magnify the LORD with me,
And let us exalt his name together.
Music: Gadlu La Shem
Havdalah—Distinction (Only on Saturday night, Optional)
Havdalah,
literally means 'separation' - a ceremony involving a special multi-wicked candle, wine and spices
that marks the ending of Shabbat.
The Blessing of the Cup once
again reminds of the creative power of the Master’s hands. Because
of the Joy of this wedding and the joy of Shabbat we allow our cup to overflow as a symbol of the
abundant life and the fruit of the Spirit given to us as gifts.
Baruch atah Adonai Elohaynu
melech ha-olam, borei p'riy ha-gafen.
Blessed are You, Lord, our
God, King of the Universe, who creates the fruit of the vine.
Spices
The second blessing is recited over fragrant spices.
These spices represent the spices used for the altar of incense in the Holy Temple in Jerusalem. It
was spices that were offered as gifts to the Messiah King. In ancient times spices are used to
prepare the body for burial. This is God’s version of “aromatherapy”.
Baruch atah Adonai Elohaynu
melech ha-olam, borei minei b'samim.
Blessed are You, Lord, our God, King of the Universe, who
creates varieties of spices.
Fire
The third blessing is recited over the special,
multi-wicked Havdalah candle.
Baruch atah Adonai Elohaynu
melech ha-olam, borei m'orei ha-aish
Blessed are You, Lord, our God, King of the Universe, who
creates the light of the fire.
Havdalah
Baruch atah
Adonai Elohaynu melech ha-olam, ha-mavdil bayn kodesh l'chol,
Blessed
are You, Lord, our God, King of the Universe, who distinguishes between the sacred and the secular,
between light and darkness, between Israel and the nations, between the seventh day
and the six days of labor.
Blessed
are You, Lord, who distinguishes between the sacred and the secular.
Extinguish the Fire.
The Pronouncement -
Ladies and Gentlemen, as witness to the covenant of marriage
according to the Law of Moses and the Law of the Messiah of Israel, I would like to pronounce to you
Mr. and Mrs. (Groom)____________________ , husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.
Everyone Please Stand
The Breaking of the Glass -
A Traditional end to a Jewish wedding serves as a reminder of the
fragility of life, even during the most joyous of celebrations. Life is fragile. We break this glass
as a symbol of our past. In the theater that say go break a leg. In a Jewish wedding we break a
glass. Forgiveness is an end to a shattered past. As the Groom smashes the glass everyone will shout
Mazel Tov! Which means Good Fortune, may your lives here on out not be shattered, but full of
fortune and joy.
Everyone responds with Mazel Tov.
The Bridal Party may dance around the
Bride and Groom
Music: Simon Tov, Mazel Tov or another lively selection.
Tallit Covering and Blessing -
The Birchat HaKohanim - Numbers 6:24-26
The Lord bless you, and keep you;
The Lord make His face shine on you, And be gracious to you;
The Lord lift us His countenance on you, And give you peace.
Presentation of the Bride and Groom
Ladies
and Gentlemen: I now present to you Mr. And Mrs. _____________
Husband
and Wife. You may now kiss the bride.
Recessional –
The Wedding March Recessional by
Mendleson (a Jewish Believer)
Bride and Groom (Stop halfway down the aisle and dip and give
her another kiss.
Best Man and Maid of Honor
Groomsmen and Bridesmaids
Flower girl, Ring Bearer
Groomsmen escorts the Bride's Mother (Father follows behind)
Groomsmen escorts the Groom's Mother (Father follows behind)
Groomsmen escorts the Grandmothers
Cheder Yichud - Private Room
A brief period of seclusion for the bride and groom to absorb the
events of the ceremony where they spend their first moments alone together as husband and wife.
Yichud has been described as a period of bonding, a time of privacy and peace before the public
celebration begins. It is nice to have the room and food prepared for them as a special surprise to
their private moment.
They will also break their fast before returning to the community
to celebrate. The bride and groom will need about 20-30 minutes to enjoy the moment.
Reception Grand Entrance-
Welcome the Bride and Groom with a great entrance. Perhaps
music leading up to the opening of the door. Bubbles blown as they have a "reverse"
reception line. Everyone is lined up on each side of the path as they enter. They can
greet everyone as they make their way to the dance floor for their first dance.
Seudat Mitzvah - The Festive Meal
Begin the meal with reciting the blessing over the wedding challah,
the traditional braided bread.
Baruch ata Adonai, Eloheynu Melech Ha-Olam, hamotzi lechem min ha-aretz.
Blessed are You Adonai, our God, ruler of the universe, who brings forth bread from the
earth.
Perhaps one of the most distinctive and enjoyable aspects of the
traditional Jewish wedding is the dancing and mitzvah (commandment) to make the kallah and chatan happy.
- The next thing that happens is the MC introduces the wedding party into the room. Traditional order: bride’s parents, groom’s parents, bridesmaids and groomsmen in couples, the maid of honor and best man, then the flower girl and ring bearer.
- You'll notice that there are no firm rules here because it's party time. But everything needs to be planned and an MC needs to know what the plans are so you can keep the "party" moving. The Bride and Groom will be so inundated with guests they will not be able to plan what happens next. Although they should be aware of the order of events.
- Also, if you are planning on cutting short your photographer's hours, getting the first dance over with now allows the photographer to get a few good shots.
- Next play classic songs from your parents era such as Big Band or Swing... This will make the older guests feel comfortable and they may not want to stay late just to dance to the "oldies" The Swing dances will get everyone ready for the Jewish Dances.
- No Jewish wedding would be complete with out dancing the Hora or Lifting the bride and groom up in the chair.
- Hava Nagila is the classic, or play the Wedding Music from Fiddler on the Roof and perhaps get some men to do the Hassadic Bottle Dance.
- (The chair dance should be planned ahead of time, eight strong men should be selected to lift the chairs. Shorter guys in the back so they don't tip the bride and groom out to their chair. They should even practice so they know how long and what to do. Remember to keep the Bride and Groom at the same level) Do this dance before the dinner, because the Bride and Groom do not want to be tossed around on a full stomach.
- Before you eat, the best man makes a toast to the happy couple. Other Toasts can follow or wait until dinner has stopped.
- If you have invited your Rabbi or other honored guest say the HaMotzie or grace before the meal.
- We find that if you are having more then 4 speeches, it’s more entertaining when they’re given between courses, but that's up to you. If you want to have the speeches said one after the other, that can be done after the meal.
- Speeches and dinner are done, now it's time for dancing. You and your wedding party should start the dancing. You can also cut your cake and have the parent’s dance now too. Try not to stop your DJ too often, it’s hard to get everyone back on the dance floor once it’s been cleared.
- An hour after that cut of the cake. You don’t have to announce this, it can be done anytime during the evening. Just make sure that the views of your photo & video people aren’t blocked. To save money on your photographer, do a fake cutting of the cake earlier and cut down on the amount of time they have to be at the reception.
- At around 11:00pm its time to toss your bouquet. I know you like it when I type HUSBAND, I bet you're smiling right now.
- The sweet table or late-night buffet can start right after the tosses.
- Lastly, change into your going away outfit (if you're doing that), have your last dance, say your goodbyes and leave.
The voice of joy
the voice of gladness
the voice of the bridegroom,
the voice of the bride,
and the voice that praise God.
Mazel Tov from Rabbi Ken and Melissa
Contact Rabbi Ken for information and wedding consulting. halleluyah@aol.com
Rabbi Ken and Melissa in 1997
Rabbi Ken and Melissa in 1998